


Realization

by AndreaLovesMichonne



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Challenge Response, POV First Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 13:26:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLovesMichonne/pseuds/AndreaLovesMichonne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It pains me that I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t afford to take that risk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realization

I never was interested in men. But I can’t stand the women who turn around him. I think they’re not good enough for him. 

…I’m scared of the day I won’t believe my excuses anymore.

I’m more than good enough for him.

I’m perfect.

But he can’t see that.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s too blind to realize the truth—far from it. 

It took several months for me to realize that I was…attracted to John and it was all due to that stupid bimbo of an ancient, Chaya. It took longer for me to admit that I might be…the big G word. 

For months, I used to tell myself that I wasn’t gay, that I was in love with someone who just happened to be the same sex. That I couldn’t possibly be gay because not only don’t I look gay, but I hate Broadway musicals (and musicals in general). I’m not flamboyant—and gay men are extremely flamboyant—not to mention that I have never once used the word fabulous or divine.

But, after he almost got himself killed, I realized that maybe—just maybe—I’d have to accept the fact that I was gay—stereotypical or not. 

And, more to the point, not only was I attracted to John, but I had somehow managed to fall in love with him.

It pains me that I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t afford to take that risk. 

What am I supposed to say? 

How can I tell a straight man that I’m in love with him without risking humiliation and destroying our friendship?

I can’t.

It’s as simple as that. 

I would give my heart and soul for John to give me that look. I would give my heart and soul just to be his for a day. I would give my heart and soul to hear him say, “Rodney, I want you.” Or “Rodney, I love you, more than life itself.” 

I would give my life for his. 

I love John more than life itself. If only there was someway I could tell him, without risking everything, without him looking at me with disgust. 

I’m perfect for John in every possible way.

The only reason he can’t see it isn’t because he’s blind, but—unfortunately for me—I happen to be the wrong sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for sga_flashfic’s Amnesty 2006 challenge: post secret challenge using schtroumph_c's postcard prompt: "I never was interested in men. But I can’t stand the women who turn around him. I think they’re not good enough for him. (I’m scared of the day I won’t believe my excuses anymore)"  
> Beta: Thanks to squid for the beta and changes.


End file.
